I have noticed a correlation over my years working with dying, death and grief that when healing takes place there is no blame. Conversely when blame is present there is no room for healing. Blame by the way also includes self blame or guilt.
Blame seems to be this tool we unconsciously use to avoid dipping deeply into our natural and oh so raw feelings of sadness and sorrow. The seemingly unbearable grief is relieved by pointing a finger away from our pain and towards something that we may believe was the cause of our loss. Blame deflects our attention to the target of our external upset helping us to temporarily avoid dealing with our intimate raw self. Blame tricks us into thinking we are doing something about our loss when in truth we are avoiding its depths.
For healing to take place we need to drop all blame directed at others or ourselves and instead jump into the deep end of our pool of grief. We need to do so with our ‘village’ and in an environment that is safe from criticism, judgment and make wrongs. In other words, in some form of sacred ritual that invites us to have our sorrow witnessed by those we trust and love.
All the blame in the world will not return to us the loved one that died. Instead we will get stuck in the mud it creates, missing the opportunity to reunite spirit to spirt with our beloved.