Here is a piece of writing I have been working on in my own life for sometime now… thought I would share it…
Is Happiness the Appropriate Goal?
I Will Be Happy When…
In my own life and also in the lives of the people I know and folks I work with I often hear things like;
• “I’ll be happy when my mortgage is paid off.”
• “I’d be happier if I made a bit more money.”
• “I will be happy when I have a six-pack and loose a few pounds.”
• “I’d be happier if my steak we cooked a little more.”
• “I’d be happy if other drivers would pay attention to the road and not their cell phone.”
The list goes on and on but I am sure you get the drift by now. And I am certain that your are having a glimpse at your own “I’d be happier if…. “ statements. Truth is no matter how long or short our list might be it matters not. We will forever be dependent on outside influences for our happiness if this is how we approach our lives and if we make happiness the goal. It is like low grade suffering where there is this constant hum of dissatisfaction of things not being quite right.
I have recognized over the years my happiness has been up and down, a bit like a toilet seat at a beer party. I used to think it had to do with my surroundings, whom I was hanging out with, what work I was doing, how much money I made, or where I was living. However, upon closer inspection I noticed something; I was struggling with the ups and downs of my happiness or those things that changed so often in life that my happiness was always transient.
Sometimes when I wasn’t making much money I was really happy. From time to time a place where I was happy working became like a prison. Sometimes I was gloriously happy in a rainstorm. Other times I was miserable under the hot blue sky of a summer’s day.
As I looked for a common denominator in all my happy ups and downs I couldn’t seem to find the key to my own happiness – it was always elusive. It seemed as if an out side influence made the difference and yet my intuition was suggesting otherwise. So I looked more deeply for the common denominator and there it was – ME. I was and am the common denominator in my happiness ups and downs! In that moment I realized that I was the only way out of my own dissatisfaction or low grade suffering.
If I were going to make a change I also needed a different goal than happiness as it seems more the opposite of sadness. So I put my brain to work and have come up with a phrase that works for me. Perhaps it will also work for you.
For me the new goal is being at ease. Being at ease is simply being in a relaxed state of mind. If I am at ease I am not suffering and craving for mere happiness.
Now I need to take personal responsibility for my own ease and learn to be relaxed in approach no matter what the Universe brings my way. If I can relax into whatever is going on around me I won’t be suffering with the desire to make it be different. I will be relaxed in happiness or sadness and not have to strive for more of one and less of the other. The internal battle between opposites will gradually come to an end.
Being at ease in a crazy world is indeed challenging I know, yet it is a worthwhile practice. I invite you to join me in the practice of being at ease.
Being at Ease is an inside job.
Being at Ease is a personal initiative.
Being at Ease is actually a personal choice I get to make over and over, it is not contingent on anything outside of me.
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