Our neighbor down the street died before Christmas. Robert was single, in his sixties, and genuinely a nice fellow. His terminal diagnosis had come only three months before his death.
I had met Robert a few times at neighboring parties and felt shocked when I heard he was dying. I had sent him a note to tell him my husband and I were thinking of him – those words just skimmed the surface of what we really felt. Here was a man our age, living life as we were, retired and free to do what he pleased and then in one short sentence, his life was over.
A few weeks after he died, I was walking by his house, and noticed a large trash bin had been placed on the driveway. It looked out of place this big steel, rusty, ominous container sitting on his well-maintained yard. I felt sad wondering what would end up in there. A week before, I had noticed activity around the house, cars being moved out of the garage and some furniture placed in a moving truck. The bin had a different feel to it. It would contain the items that no one else wanted. Things that Robert would have found worth keeping but others would put in a trash heap.
This left me thinking how many of my life’s “treasures” would be worthless to others. There was a time where materialistic things were very important. They symbolized an achievement. I had to keep up with the “Jones”. I felt I had to fit in. Thankfully, I have come to the realization that it is not things that are important in my life. It is the relationships that I have formed. It is the connection I have and time spent with those around me. This is what I treasure more than anything else.
I had to work to achieve this. I had to give up a lot of self – righteousness and entitlement.
I would like to share with you three simple steps that can also give you peace of mind and have you live the rest of your life with peace, power and completeness.
Step 1: Cleaning your space
A course I took some time ago had us de-clutter our home keeping only those things that gave us joy. Trust me, there was no joy looking at a dress I had paid way too much for ten years ago thinking I had to hang on to it. The only reason I was holding on to it was guilt. Then there were the nick knacks, the gifts, and ornaments that I felt I had to keep –for years. The feeling of relief dropping them off at the good will centre was amazing. I had found a new freedom living in my own home. As the space around me was de-cluttered – my mind became less busy.
Step 2: Strengthening relationships
Make a list of people that you have had a falling out with. See if you are more committed to being right or being in a loving relationship. It is easy to hold onto grudges, making others wrong. This only robs us of having a life of freedom. Be willing to initiate a conversation of forgiveness and de-clutter that resentment file in your mind.
Step 3: Strengthening your relationship with yourself
Forgive yourself for all those times that you made choices that were not in your best interest. Leave them in the past. You did the best you could at the time, with the abilities you had. The reason that you continue to think about them is because you have filed your past in the present time. Into the trash bin they go
I began to wonder if I would have any regrets if faced with a terminal diagnosis. I looked at those in my life that I could have a deeper connection with. The important conversations I could start. This life that I am living is not only about me – it is about the people that I see every day. It is about other human beings that I have the privilege of connecting with, whether it is with a smile or conversation.
Death has encouraged me to look at the clutter of my life, the stuff of my life and to begin to de-clutter sooner rather than later – to lighten the load so to say.
Oh yes, Robert and his trash bin? When I peeked inside his bin the other day there were only a few pieces of scrap lumber in the bottom of his bin. I closed my eyes thankful in knowing that he left this world de-cluttered and in peace.
Thank you for those wonderful words. I love you.
Your brother Jack
A great message, Meina. My husband and I have done a lot of purging/letting go of material things, but strengthening our relationships, consciously, with self and others was a great reminder. Thank you! 🙂 Shilo
Meina. That was so beautifully written and so very touching. You are a very special person and I love you.
Anne
Meina,
You have it on the mark, I am a firm believer that most in our lives is stuff, we need to remove it. This I found is done with stages. With every experience with others make one come home and reevaluate if what I have is again necessary, we need to be aware of what we really need.
I also am a firm believer that a list of all your important numbers and contacts are written,not on the computer, to help family when the time comes for your life to finished.
I have a death package for my kids so they can fill out the death certificate and what I want for funeral and where to find the will, who to contact on RSP’S etc.
Truer words were never spoken!
Great lessons come in simple packages. I felt very connected to Robert.
We all have our own form of trash bin some of us put it to good use others never learn.
I love this story and agree that it was beautifully written.
Can’t wait to read your book
Lots of love Deb
Great article my dear cousin. Very timely as well, as just this morning I was de-cluttering my please in preparation of new floors being installed next week. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Love,
Abe
Beautiful gentle message.
Thank you my darling friend.
Lots of love,
Sue xx
Well written Meina, it shows us all what is realy important in our life., and to look at all the clutter we have.and can do without.,and to mend relationships is so important.while we still have time. .
Great piece of writing Meina and timely as well. It is the fall and often I am feeling the decluttering bug. I have never thought of it from that perspective. I love the part about decluttering things that do not bring happiness or joy. It is wonderful to read something that I can really apply to my life right now.
Thanks Meina
your friend
Wendy
Good thoughts, Meina….best wishes with the book, my friend!
I’d love to read it…
Very well written my dear friend. Very insightful and thought provoking.
I really enjoy the blog post.Thanks Again.