There is no one to save.
In the world of ageing, dying, death, and grief there is an over riding tendency to think that ‘we have to save them at all costs’ and so we try. We head down that path of never ending treatments and hope thinking we are doing the right thing for them and for us. Are we? We are sometimes for sure, other times no. We can mistake our care and love with the result of keeping people alive – if they die we haven’t cared enough or loved enough. Perhaps our care and love are separate issues from them living or dying.
This conversation also brings up the whole notion of whom we are saving and from what. Here are some questions to get the conversation rolling. First of all, do they really need saving? Secondly, who is it we think we are saving? And finally, what are we saving them from?
So, lets open up this can of worms and have a look. From my perspective answering these three straightforward questions will open up room for us all to do end of life differently.
Do they really need saving? This question begs an answer to two distinctly separate who’s… Are we saving the one dying from death? Or, are we saving us from the grief and sadness if our loved one does die?
Who is it we are saving? This question points us directly at the whole person, and the basic question, who dies – The body, the mind, the emotions, or the spirit?
What are we saving them from? The question begs us to look at death more fully. Is it both an end and a new beginning happening concurrently?
Though I have my own answers to these questions they are only my answers. What is important in this conversation are your answers, your thought process, your beliefs and the exploration of what you are taught to believe. Find a friend or family member close to you and begin the discussion!
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