This series of seven short articles is written from my experience supporting caregivers who are inching towards burnout. Each article is designed to provide information to the entire family and care team including friends so everyone can be well versed in what can go wrong in order that they can create a care system that will go right!
Last week you read about The Wear and Tear is Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual Not Just Physical. This week’s article is all about the build up of emotions and thoughts.
- It Just Builds Up – Until – !#@*!!##@
Two things happen when we allow things to build up internally especially when we are becoming full of under expressed emotions and also when we are under communicated. In other words when others don’t know how we feel or what we are thinking.
The result of this emotional and mental buildup as far as I can see of one of two things;
A total shut down and lack of communication that often looks like isolation, or
an explosion that often looks like an unbridled rant.
Neither of these likely results is effective. The shut down or isolation approaches simple ends up with even more build up and lack of understanding and the care giver suffers more. The second approach usually ends up the caregiver feeling energetically relieved, the listener(s) feeling yelled at and somehow made wrong, and yet nothing changes because there has been no understanding of the underlying issues at play.
Sometimes in case like this when there exists a fair amount of incomplete messages and emotions an outsider, a coach or communication specialist with some objectivity and lack of family dynamics can really be helpful. You see if the family had the skills to get through this often-toxic buildup they would have done so already. In fact they are unable to do so on their own. An objective outsider committed to clearing up misunderstandings is often the best solution.