• ABOUT
  • STEPHEN GARRETT
  • SUBMISSIONS
  • CORE CONTRIBUTORS
  • CONTACT

We Can Die Better

Bringing Death Back To Life

Classic Cremation
  • Dying and Death
  • The Grief Journey
  • Alternative Funeral Services
  • Celebration of Life
  • End of Life Planning
  • :: Training

The Multiple Layers of Loss

July 27, 2017 By sgarrett Leave a Comment

The event of death is just one losses we experience when a loved one passes and understandably it does get the bulk of the attention. When we are paying attention though we can notice other losses associated with the death and in they own way separate. Let me tell you a short story to illustrate what I mean.

Darlene’s granny Rosalie died on Tuesday at 9:00 am; it was a lovely graceful and dignified death. It was full of sadness and tears even though it was expected. We had all talked about getting ready for the day Granny died and we had done some great planning and preparation for it. When death does comes though you are truly never prepared for the finality of it.

Having the death well planned and the paperwork in hand the family did not need to rush things, they didn’t need to call 911, the doctor or the funeral home at warp speed. The great planning hard bought the family some quiet lingering time, some time to say good-bye in a much more full and complete way. It gave them the chance to notice and let go of all the granny had meant to them in a more graceful unhurried way.

Yes there was the death and some initial tears and sadness. Then as the women washed Roaslie’s body and dressed her in one of her favorite dresses there was a lovely opportunity for some more letting go. The last time they would dress her; the last time they would put her makeup on; the last time they would brush her hair. All these little last times when noticed are beautiful little moments to let go a little more.

The day of her death was full of all these wonderful letting go moments they the family could fully experience and savor because they didn’t have to rush.

The next day at noon the funeral home staff arrived to take granny away. For some in the family it was a relief as they were unpracticed in having a dead loved one in the living room. For those closest to granny’s care in the last months though it was another death. She was gone and now her body was leaving. I had done a little preparation work with Darlene and Daphne to alert them to this different type of loss and the sadness they could experience as the staff team drove away with granny.

The bed she lay in, the bed she died in was now empty. Rosalie was gone. Not to be seen again until funeral day next week.

The house felt empty.

Empty of Rosalie, empty of the task and chores and daily duties performed so lovingly by the two gals.

Nothing more to do for granny.

Emptiness, time, and space with no Rosalie to fill it.

All these little thing that will be noticed will give each family member chance to let go even more, lots opportunities to remember Rosalie.

When we slow down the after death process by preparing well we create these glorious opportunities to let go in bits and pieces, in a more healthy and complete way with no rush and no haste only time to open to the many exquisite layers of loss and grief.

Filed Under: Dying and Death, End of Life Planning

Learn more about End Of Life Guide Training with Stephen Garrett

A 12 Lesson Training that is available online and self-paced.

Learn more and sign up

 

sgarrett

About sgarrett

Death is one of North America’s biggest taboos. No one wants to talk about it, so we suffer bad deaths. We can die better, come find out how. Start by subscribing via rss or e-mail.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

EMAIL NEWSLETTER

Sign up to receive updates!

Receive the Free Guides!

All-Ready-to-Go-Create-Your-Own-Death-Binder All-Ready-To-Go-Talking-With-The-Funeral-Director All-Ready-To-Go-Talking-With-The-Children

My Life jo-URN-ey – Begin with the End In Mind

My Life jo-URN-ey – Begin with the End In Mind

February 26, 2021 By sgarrett

If There Is Healing, There Can Be No Blame

February 22, 2021 By sgarrett

Grief – A Breathtaking Teacher

Grief – A Breathtaking Teacher

October 18, 2020 By sgarrett

Stop!

Stop!

September 25, 2020 By sgarrett

  • 
  • 
  • 
  • 
  • 

Advertisement

The mission of We Can Die Better is to generously serve readers with contemporary, accurate, and well researched information regarding the intimate and important process of dying, death and grief and to do so with boldness, compassion, creativity and humor.

Recent Posts

  • My Life jo-URN-ey – Begin with the End In Mind
  • If There Is Healing, There Can Be No Blame
  • Grief – A Breathtaking Teacher
  • Stop!
  • Pets are Family Too!
Uncopyright Stephen Garrett & Just Alive Consulting